13 Sep Tips for shy swinger women

In each of us, there is a voice that speaks from the place of our insecurities. Though we may otherwise feel confident, we are all prone to experiencing shyness in one or more areas of our lives. In the swinging lifestyle, many swinger women at different stages of their life experience shyness. Some may attribute it to circumstances; some attribute it to their personality. Either way, the behaviors that result from feeling shy block their way to experiencing more pleasure in swinging.

Understanding what is at the core of your shyness can help you navigate towards overcoming it. The first step towards understanding shyness is increasing awareness of the situations in which we behave shyly. Next, actively notice the situations in which you feel shy. They are likely to have certain “triggers” in common, such as being (or feeling as if you are) evaluated or judged.

It’s important to keep in mind that shyness emerges for different reasons. Our personal, relational, and cultural experiences are different, and each person has unique challenges that cause shy behaviors. Therefore, we must not assume that we know the challenge just because we call it the same.

Shyness affects our behavior

At the core of shyness is usually the anticipation of negative evaluation. We think someone will think poorly of us, so we pull back to minimize the amount of “wrong” things we can do. Thus, shy behaviors usually have a protective function.

For example, we hold back from being fully present in a situation, and avoidance provides temporary relief. Our shyness successfully keeps us away from being noticed. Though we’ve successfully avoided judgment, we still haven’t experienced pleasure. Though we protected ourselves from evaluation, we ended up feeling neglected or ignored. This is usually where we blame ourselves for not taking action for not stepping up with confidence. Shyness and self-blame often go together.

When swinger women act shy, they also tend to leave it to other people to make the first step. Then, when they don’t pick up on our signals or direct their attention elsewhere, we tend to assign blame and think of others as neglectful, unsupportive, or inconsiderate.

Shyness is how other people may perceive our quiet, lingering anxiety. In many situations, the “signs” of your shyness will resemble the ones of anxiety, such as – heart racing, hands sweating, having negative and judgemental thoughts about yourself or the situation, situation avoidance, etc. They can have the same “origin”: fear of judgment, being evaluated or making mistakes.

Swinger women can have a harder time with jealousy in swinging, especially if their partner acts confident and connects fast(er) with others. In addition, seeing their partners fitting into the lifestyle faster can make a swinger woman feel inadequate or replaceable if she’s not able or wants to keep up with his pace.

We, and others, tend to recognize shyness from non-verbal signals. It reflects in our body language. Our body tends to shrink as if we are trying to minimize our presence in the room. Arms crossed, looking down, avoiding eye contact, dressing in a way that does not attract attention, sitting in the corner, letting someone else take the spotlight, or speaking in a quiet tone are some behaviors we connect to shyness.

Permit yourself to try new things, get out of your comfort zone and meet new people, knowing that it is okay to make mistakes or stumble upon your own behaviors. Self–confidence is not something you have or not, but something that you do, grow, and believe in. To nurture a positive self-image, surround yourself with positive influence, practice behaviors, and dare explore the unknown territory.